I finally went through with it, and left the confines of the apartment. It started of as another drive through town, but the novelty had already disappeared, the excitement faded, and there really was nothing left but to take the next step. In all honesty, I had an inkling that I would make it out to 212. It’s been growing in my mind for several months now. I just needed to pluck up the courage to actually do so.
As always, the evening began after work. I had my friend take me to Ulta to buy some makeup, – because a girl can’t have too much! – and then we went for a bite to eat at On The Border, which is barely edible, but that’s a complaint for another day.
We went back to her apartment, where all my clothes and makeup are stored, and I decided to get out of my drab, and into something a little more me. By eight, I was sitting there, bored out of my mind, dressed with nowhere to go. At first I was content with that, back when I first got back into dressing, but now there was nothing. Even the thrill of taking a spin around town had lost its luster.
So I mentioned to my friend that I wanted to take a drive, already planning of stopping by 212. I didn’t say anything, however, in case I chickened out. I stopped by the ATM, the one a couple of blocks from my work, – eek! – then drove to downtown, found a parking space, and headed inside.
The idea of being outside wasn’t as daunting as it had been. I’ve driven as Stef, drove to Dallas as Stef, and so the reality of walking the sidewalks of downtown after dark wasn’t all too scary. We went in, found a table, and my friend made her way to the bar to buy us our drinks. I was still too nervous to do so myself. Maybe next time!
I sat there, drink in hand, and took in my surroundings. I’m not one to go to clubs, and I had never been to a gay club before, so I didn’t know what to expect. My take is that it’s a club. The only difference is that it caters to the LGBTQ crowd. There were a few other transgender there in the club, so I wasn’t harassed or bothered in anyway. The awkwardness I feared never materialized. I ended up staying until after 1 a.m., leaving only because I had to be at work by 7:45 that morning!
In some respects it was a fabulous evening. The music was good, the drinks were excellent, and the show was better than I could have imagined. On the other, it was a bit of an anti-climax in that none of my fears were realized in anyway, shape, or form. What had I been so afraid of? I should have done so sooner!
I’m planning on going again, I just don’t know when. My friend is excited about going again. She had wanted to see the show for a while now. She watched the show from behind her phone, unable to resist taking pictures. I think she had more fun than I did!
Then I went back to her place, took off the wig, the make-up, and the clothes. I took off my nail polish, washed my face, and went to bed. I had survived, and the knowing that I could go out was like a light in my soul the entire next day. I was buoyant all day long. I had survived.