Amarillo celebrated Panhandle Pride as part of LGBT Pride month last Saturday, June 26. Sadly I didn’t go. I had to work all day, and by the time I did get off, the festivities were over. It’s convenient for me in that I can say I would have loved to have gone, but would I really have gone if I had the chance?
Don’t misunderstand me, I would have loved to have gone as Stefani, and tried to interact with other transgender people like me. The issue would have been outing myself. You know the dilemma, I’m sure. Had it been in a larger city, I don’t think the issue would have been as great. The larger the city, the larger the crowd, the easier it would have been to get lost in the crowd. In Amarillo, I don’t think I would have blended in as easily. That, and my manager and a co-worker had a booth. It would have been awkward, at least for me.
I did see the pictures that were posted, and I part of me longs for that freedom. I envy people how have that strength to be true to themselves. It’s a strength of character that I seem to be missing, though at times it makes itself known, more and more as of late. I suppose being Stef is a journey, and it isn’t one that’s easy to make.
At the very least, I wish I could have gone to 212 to celebrate at the club, but of course I had to open the next morning. There’s always something in the way. I’ll try to get out and hit the club again soon. It’s the closest thing I have to being out as I can manage. There’s some sense of freedom in the act of going out as me. Maybe it’s a start.
Stefani Within 
I don’t think exercising common sense and discretion suggest a lack of character, just an acknowledgement of the realities of the culture we live in. We have to function and fit in that culture to survive and prosper, and accept (even enjoy) the fluidity required to express ourselves when opportunities arise. To that end, I encourage you to attend next year if you can. You probably won’t see many TGs there but you will be warmly embraced by the crowd. I don’t know where you work but I can see your employer’s booth giving you pause, it would me too, but then again, if they’re proactively supporting the lgbt community in such a way it seems like they might be accepting of you too. One tip from experience: keep an eye out for news cameras. If you don’t want Stef to be on local TV you’ll need to dodge the lens. Fortunately, they don’t usually hang around too long. Oh, and one more tip: stay in the shade cuz summer temps and makeup can be a challenge. 🙂
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Well, I only know Stefani. So I wouldn’t recognize you if you were in your “other” disguise! 🙂 Sure that you are just as nice of a person when you wear that one. I didn’t get to Denver Pride this year myself. Same kind of thing. Life gets in the way. Have an awesome weekend Stefani.
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