I spent the whole of this past Monday out and about, enjoying the free air. Freedom is such a sweet luxury. Away from responsibilities, away from that which confines me, enjoying the world without sans the need to hide myself. It was a blessed relief, and a much needed tonic to soothe my frayed nerves. If you can’t tell, I enjoyed myself tremendously!

I asked for a few days off, five in total, to go down to a town south of Bonham, Texas, northeast of the Dallas Metroplex. The occasion was a Halloween party at my best friend’s house. That was last Saturday. On Sunday, we went to the closing day of the Texas State Fair, and again, another enjoyable experience.

But as fun as those two days were, I had to enjoy them in boy mode, which was a bummer. It wasn’t until Monday that I had the opportunity to head out. Part of me almost decided against it, dressing up being such a pain in the ass, but I knew those days don’t come around as often as I would like. It took me around an hour to get ready, and though we didn’t head out as early as I had wanted, we left, my friend Amy and I, and went to the Dallas Arboretum and Botanical Gardens.

I was hoping for a slow day at the gardens, but unfortunately the place was packed with mothers and their children. I’m not too confident en femme, but I knew I had to confront my fear of public spaces, so we went in. Interestingly enough, most people didn’t spare me a second glance, and my friend said that the few old women who did look at me, didn’t do so with the appearance of malice or hatred.  I fit in enough, my excursion in OKC helping me relax out in public.

It turned out that my only issue was the Dallas heat. It might me late October, but the weather often doesn’t cool down until mid to late November, and sometimes even later. My face felt like it was melting, and I was dressed way too warmly for our day out! I managed to survive, however, and in spite of the way too crowded venue, and the way too warm day, I had a blast. We had lunch and enjoyed the gardens for almost two hours, until we decided we were ready for air conditioning.

After that, we went to the Cheesecake Factory for some avocado eggrolls and a slice of cheesecake. I’ve been going there for over fifteen years, so how have I never had a slice of cheesecake? I don’t know, but I had a slice, which was way too rich and fattening, before leaving to shop at the Container Store, and later at Barnes & Noble, buying more books that I don’t need, including  Being Jazz, by Jazz Jennings.

But, like all good things, our day out had to come to an end. I was getting tired, my body still struggling trying to adjust from my three weeks working overnights at work. I changed in the car on the way back to Amy’s house. Though her husband knows about me, we didn’t think he was ready to see me in all my fabulous glory. By the time we drove into the drive way, I was Joe again.

I’m considering making the move down to DFW soon. I’ve come to accept that I have to reason to remain in the Amarillo area. Though I have my family here, They neither know, and I’m certain they wouldn’t accept me were I to try to be out here. Also, I have no romantic attachments or even the prospect of one. I never meant to stay here as long as I have so far. Maybe I should say goodbye and open a new chapter in my life’s story.

Regardless of what the future may hold, I enjoyed my day out with my best friend. She has a calming effect of me. She’s the first I told about being a crossdresser, the one who urged me to come up with my name, and accepted me for who I am. The more I think about it, the more I think my days in Amarillo are numbered, and I don’t think I’ll miss them all too much.

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