The company Christmas party was held this past Sunday. I wasn’t interested in going the past few years, but seeing that I’m in a supervisory role, and I seem to be in good standings, I thought it prudent to go, so I did.
I didn’t know what to expect. I knew there would be food, but other than that, I had no clue. It wasn’t anything special. It was held in the banquet area of a local Mexican restaurant. The food was good, but nothing special. They had a bar, but I didn’t order anything.
My friend V found me sitting at a table, feeling uncomfortable, because I’m not one to socialize. She was dressed nice, casual but nice. For once, she had her hair down. She usual wears a cap and has her hair tied back, but on Sunday her hair was down, no cap. I thought she looked beautiful.
She whispered into my ear that I should have shown up as Stefani so that we could be twins. I laughed at that. She wasn’t the first one to say that. Another coworker hinted that I should back when we were setting up for Black Friday. A third coworker concurred, saying that I should just get it over with.
But I’m not ready for that. Part of me would like to be out, but I’m still holding fast to what’s quickly becoming an open secret, and growing wider all the time. It’s a curious thing, to be sure, to be able to talk about it freely to people I know. I kept it hidden for decades, so to have my secret broadcast is frightening and exhilarating.
After the party, I took V for drinks in downtown, The 212 Club. I’ve gone there several times as Stefani. This was the first time I went in boy mode. We sat at the bar, griped about work, and enjoyed each other’s company. We shared a few drinks, and then enjoyed the drag show that we didn’t know was going on. I think V noticed I enjoyed watching a few of the girls a little too much. I think she enjoyed me watching them, lol.
I took her home a little later than I had wanted. I had to be at work at 9 on Monday. I drove her home, and we talked a little more. It was a fun night, and I wouldn’t mind repeating it soon. I just can’t help but wonder how much more fun it would have been had I taken the plunge and showed up as Stefani.
Just a thought.
Tick tock, cutie…
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I think you erred on the right side of caution, actually. You can’t ask your co-workers to put away their mobile phones for instance & in this day-and-age, everyone is snap happy. So just coming out to what you think is a few trusted people could end up all over facebook, twitter etc… Had you just been with ‘V’ – that would be different. I’m sure you’ll handle coming out no problem when the time is right, but it should be when you’re ready, not due to pressure from others. In saying that, it sounds like they’re on your side and want it to happen. Good luck Stefani – you’re one cool chick 😉 xx
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Thank you. It’s been a struggle, mostly against myself, on how much to reveal, and to whom. Part of me is really impatient about the process, but I know I’m not ready to jump in completely. I’m a lot further than I ever thought possible. I though I would be hidden forever!