January is almost half over, and I haven’t even posted anything! What the hell is wrong with me?! Maybe I should be forgiven since I haven’t had anything to share. Frankly, I still have nothing to share. The best I have is that I’m still ticking. Yay me!
I haven’t had too much Stefani time lately. I feel that’s too often the case. Work is taking up so much time and energy, that all I want to do is go home and crawl into bed. Couple that with the drive to and from work, a two-hour round trip, the inability to dress up at home, and the limited places I have to go out, then you can see that dressing up is a bit difficult.
I did manage to go out for dinner about a week ago. Yes I, Stefani, went out in public, to a restaurant, and had dinner. Italian food, downtown Amarillo, at a place called Napoli’s. My friend came with me, and we had a quiet dinner. The staff was great, the food superb, but my nerves were still a little frayed. It’s not easy going out in town.
The good news is that I have a vacation coming up next month. Towards the end of February, my friend Amy and I are heading to Georgia to meet a couple of friends. I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting them personally yet, but Amy has. I was supposed to meet them back in 2011, but circumstances conspired against me. Now, over five years later, I have that chance again.
They don’t know about Stefani, so I won’t dress up there, but we’re planning of taking a detour through New Orleans. I’ll probably spend the drive to New Orleans and back to DFW as Stefani. We’ll probably spend a night or two there. I plan to spend the whole time there as Stef. I may dress up for the drive to Georgia as well and change before we get to our friends. Haven’t made up my mind.
It’s been growing on my mind that I need an adventure. This is my first opportunity in ages to venture out and do something new. As exciting as going out as Stef was at first, it’s not quite the same. I want to do more now. I want to spend days, even weeks as myself. I don’t want to hide it. Maybe a change is on the way.
I don’t know, but what I do know is that my soul needs some time to rest. I would like to find some peace in my life. I would like to find someone to love me, and more over, someone who might actually want me, and want to be with me. I want a soulmate, not a fleeting, vacuous moment.
I’m looking forward to next month. As great as my life has become as of late, I do need to get away, reevaluate my life, and where I want to go. I’m becoming aware just how short life truly is. I’m running out of time. The time is now.