Being Transgender

Looking up in 2019

Taking it easy at home.

It’s already February of 2019. I haven’t made a post since November. Almost three months have passed, and though there has been a few times I wanted to write something, I just haven’t done so. I completed and won Nanowrimo for the eighth time. That no longer means so much to me.

She has made plans for me to go with her and her mother to go to Taos New Mexico. I will probably not go as Stef, but who knows. That won’t be until the end of March. I can’t wait though. I’ve never been to Taos.

Basically, life happened. Nothing too monumental, nothing to extreme.

Last month I did make a huge decision. It’s something that has been on my mind for a while. I have had three store managers try to convince me to consider moving up to management. I have thus far rejected their attempts. My last foray into management ended disastrously for me. I never wanted to feel so inept ever again.

When I started to work for my employer, I had no expectation that I would stay. I did not want to work retail. It’s a horrible industry, mainly due to a relative few people who want nothing more than to attack those who, wanting to keep their job, are not able to defend themselves. The believe the phase the customer is always right entitles them to impugn and attack hourly workers.

But here I am, almost six years later, still working for my company. I make just enough to get by, but not to get ahead. I have no plans to switch companies. I have no desire to start all over again. I know what I’m doing. I’m confident that I can do what I need to do.

With that in mind, I sat down with my store manager and told her that I am ready to consider advancing my career. She seemed excited that I had come to her. In addition to being a supervisor, I am entrusted with keys and can act as the Manager on Duty when the need arises. She said that when I’m left in charge, she never has to worry about the store. That’s a huge deal.

What that means now is greater scrutiny. I will have to up my performance. I will be expected to act the part of a manger. Later this month I will have to conduct part of a business walk for my district team, along with another one of my fellow supervisors. No pressure, right?

This doesn’t mean I’ll be promoted, I know. There are several supervisors, both in my store and in my district, and across the company, that are vying for management openings. Many are more able than I am. Others are better communicators. Some are more comfortable with bossing people around.

But what I have to offer is experience, and the ability to teach what I know. Teaching has always been an opportunity for improvement, but many workers come to me when they encounter a problem. I hope I’ve been able to give them the right answers, and better yet, the ability to solve the problems.

So I began the new year with the decision to move up in my company. I’ve also begun to run and try to get back in shape. This will probably be a bigger challenge in that I will have to hold myself accountable, but the few times I have gone out, I feel better about myself.

I plan to join a gym as well, but only after I gain some endurance. Looking at myself in the mirror, I look every bit of my 42 years. I want to lose weight, firm up, and gain a little muscle mass. I want to look and feel better. I want to improve my quality of life.

So 2019 will be the year I work on me. I have a lot to work on, but I don’t feel stressed about it. I’m excited and hopeful for what this year will bring. This will be the year of Stefani.

2 thoughts on “Looking up in 2019

  1. Pingback: Harvesting a book – Stefani Writes

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s