Being Transgender

Tedium and embracing me

I’ve been neglecting my writing for a while now. I just haven’t had anything new to write about, nothing exciting to say. I could report of the news, but my news is just a series of daily adventures, of working, breathing, and sleeping.

You know, everyday tedium.

Pain is such an effective muse, the kind of pain that springs from the innermost depths of your soul. Absent that, the compulsion to say anything kind of fades. Good news doesn’t make for good storytelling. A mediocre life isn’t compelling to follow.

So such as it is, I’ve been living my life. I go out, work, go home. I eat and sleep. I go grocery shopping. Sometimes I’m in Joe mode, and other times I’m in Stefani mode. The thrill of dressing up has long since passed. Dressing up is such a hassle. I did yesterday, then my friend messaged me to go shopping. I changed into Joe mode. I didn’t want to do my make up.

Also, I have to confess, is that I’ve gained weight. I feel frumpy. Fat Joe I can live with, Frumpy Stef depresses me. Maybe I’m being overly sensitive, but that’s the way I feel. I feel ugly. I feel old. I’m starting to look old.

I’m getting old.

Still, I live my compartmentalized life. I’ve bridged the two somewhat, as of late. I embraced my real last name and changed it on my social media from Lara to Hinojosa. My website shows it, so does my Twitter, Facebook, and now finally, my email addresses. It’s been a pain in the ass making the transition, to be honest.

But I’m happy to make the small, but not inconsequential change. I’m Stefani Hinojosa. I’m embracing my past and making part of my present and my future. It’s maybe minor in the grand scheme of life, but huge changes come about from seemingly small steps.

This is one. My name is Stefani Hinojosa, and life is beautiful.

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