I didn’t mean to, but I got a second outfit. Again, it felt wonderful to be Stefani, though I confess that I feel a little ridiculous. I feel so much like a man in a dress instead of a woman. Much of it has to do with the need to shave my beard off, a step I’m working towards. It’s so much more difficult that I thought it would be. I’ve had one for as long as Stefani has been hidden.
The other problem is that I feel fat and frumpy. I know it comes with aging to a degree, but I hate the way I look. My proportions aren’t right, and though I plan on fixing that with the right clothes, and maybe a change of diet, I feel so self-conscious. I know, I need to get over myself and learn to relax and to love myself.
As before, I took a few photo. I seem to have lost a bit of my inherent femininity. I’ve been posing as “Steve” for so long that it comes naturally to me. My posture is combative, my movements stiff. Even my friend who photographed me says as much. I need to some practice to regain my composure. I just have to be patient and practice a little.
Stefani Within 
This isn’t easy but nothing worth having is. Just be willing to give yourself a lot of slack, you will find you are your own worst critic, learn not to listen.
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Stephani
I just found your blog and have read many of your thoughts and musings. As an older CD I can appreciate much of what you are dealing with. I have been blessed with a wonderful wife but even though I can now, after 4 decades of marriage and being empty nesters, dress in the house she has fears of anyone finding out our secret.
I respect the fact that if you enter into a new relationship your new partner needs to understand that being a CD or TG is part of who you are and that the nature of your cross gender feelings will not go away. In fact feelings do tend to keep developing.
I try to stay away from labels because there are so many things that I am. I prefer to treat dressing as a woman as a verb (action or activity) rather than as a noun (defining a static item),
If you have one woman friend who will help you shop and dress then you are making a good start. You have many issues that need to be resolved. I wish you luck in finding a job/career and in finding someone to share your life who can appreciate you for being who you are. I find the key is to appreciate the other person for who they are and to find support in each other.
Good luck and a very Merry and Blessed Christmas.
Pat
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Cool tights! You should always love yourself for who you are and do or wear the thinga in life that make you feel more like you! At the end of it all, you are who you have to live with. So dont let yourself beat you down. Do the opposite with smile on your fave 🙂 Beard or no beard… you rock it!
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