I didn’t mean to, but I got a second outfit. Again, it felt wonderful to be Stefani, though I confess that I feel a little ridiculous. I feel so much like a man in a dress instead of a woman. Much of it has to do with the need to shave my beard off, a step I’m working towards. It’s so much more difficult that I thought it would be. I’ve had one for as long as Stefani has been hidden.
The other problem is that I feel fat and frumpy. I know it comes with aging to a degree, but I hate the way I look. My proportions aren’t right, and though I plan on fixing that with the right clothes, and maybe a change of diet, I feel so self-conscious. I know, I need to get over myself and learn to relax and to love myself.
As before, I took a few photo. I seem to have lost a bit of my inherent femininity. I’ve been posing as “Steve” for so long that it comes naturally to me. My posture is combative, my movements stiff. Even my friend who photographed me says as much. I need to some practice to regain my composure. I just have to be patient and practice a little.