The date is set, so to speak. I will be meeting with the woman who found me at work which precipitated this whole crisis. For someone who loathes drama, I seem to have stirred some up! While I don’t take this lightly – and with all the crazies out there, how could I? – this one time I’m taking the calculated risk and meeting with her, during the day time, at a public place. A coffee shop, if you need to know.
I’m not so much nervous and I am anxious. I have a lot of questions and I’m hoping this turns out to be a genuine misunderstanding. There’s a chance that it could be something nefarious, but I don’t think so. The alarms going off in my head tended to be panic as to being discovered, the blame which lies solely upon my shoulders. I was too careless with my information. I need to be more guarded with identifying information. I’ve already expunged the offending identifiers from my blog.
But if this turns out to go in my favor, and I meet a new friend, that doesn’t mean it will turn out well the next time. Crimes are committed everyday, and we girls are targeted solely because we don’t conform to societal norms. I don’t mean to single us out over any other group, but since this is the one I’m in, it’s the one I’m most concerned with. Could I be next? Could I become a victim? Another statistic in some file somewhere, and a warning to others to heed the call of caution?
I hope not. In fact, I pray that I will be fine. I pray that my family will be safe, and that nothing evil comes from this. One of the reasons I steered clear of this lifestyle was preciously for this reason. I didn’t want to be found out. I didn’t want to cause my family any heartaches, any hardships. I didn’t want them to lose a son, a brother, and uncle, and I’m not being entirely selfless, I didn’t want to disappoint or lose them in any way.
The logical thing to do, therefore, is to erase my footprint on the web. I should delete this blog, and all my other social media profiles. I lived in total isolation before, and I can do so again, but I won’t. I need this outlet. As risky as it is, I need a place to vent, a place to talk, a place where I can show off my latest outfit. I’m a blogger, a writer, and this is how I express myself. This is how I deal with things and who I figure things out. It’s my catharsis, as necessary as the oxygen I breath, and the water I drink.
So I’ll continue writing, except I’ll be more cautious with stuff. No more information about work, places I go to, or anything that can tie me to a location. It’s not worth it to be discovered. It’s not worth being injured or killed for. That is what’s at stake.
This one time, I’ll meet her over a cup of coffee, try to figure out motivations, and see what my feeling is afterwards. If I feel that there’s nothing to worry about, I’ll open up some, being cautious about the real personal things. It’s a big leap, to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but the reward may be worth the risk. I just hope the have a scone left.
Wish me luck!
Unless I am wrong, I feel you’re over reacting. Calm yourself, breath, and flow. If someone was going to hurt you they would just walk up and do it. Most people involved the life you and I lead are looking for others to enjoy the time with. They usually are nice and easy going with no intent to destroy you or others in the lifestyle. Relax and breadth girl. Smile 🙂
It is likely that this will prove to be one of those 1 in 1000 events that do happen, that a CD in your vicinity was able to deduce who you are and where you work. You may gain a valuable friend and ally. Only time, conversation, and lots of coffee will answer that question.
Keeping your blog and social media free of personal information is always a good idea. This event is a powerful reminder of the need to be discrete.
I admire your loving concern for your family. Only you are in a position to know when, if ever, Stefani is revealed to them.
All the best, Kati
Thinking of you and hoping for a good outcome Stefani. 🙂
Have you checked to see if there’s a support group in your area that you could attend, such as http://www.ren.org? When I first started to deal with my interest in crossdressing, I found going to support group meetings to be very helpful. It was very helpful to me to interact with others in a safe and supportive setting, all of whom had or have the same questions that I had. It gave me confidence in myself and the decisions I was making.