The mask and the illusion of privacy

20150831_170220I’ve been discovered! I’m a little uneasy about it and I’m unsure what to do next. Let me explain the situation. I was at work on Monday, when a gentleman walked into my place of employment. Since it’s a retail establishment, I asked if he needed help. He asked if we carried something, to which I replied that it was on aisle X.

Several minutes passed, and I continued working on a small project. When I turned down the aisle, he was standing there and I decided to see if he needed further assistance. He did. I went though my spiel, telling him about the product he was looking at, directions for use and the like. I answered his questions and offered whatever advice I knew to give him. With that he thanked me.

All the while, other customers and co-workers came and went. I didn’t think anything of it. It’s par for the course. After he thanked me, I moved to get back to my project, and finding the aisle deserted, save the two of us, he came and thanked me again, introduced himself, and asked me if I had a friend named Stefani. I froze.

What could I do? I knew I could lie, but I’m not much for lying. I’m private, but I try to be as honest as possible. So, as casually as I could, I replied that she was indeed my friend. He replied by saying that he also had a friend who was interested in meeting her. He discreetly handed me a slip of paper, which looked to me to have been torn from a yellow legal pad, with a single email address. Understanding, I dropped all pretenses for a moment and told him the I would email her when I got the chance.

We’ve emailed each other a few times, agreeing to meet. I’ve suggested a few times that I’m available to meet for coffee. I want it to be somewhere public, some place where I’m free to leave should the situation call for it.

At first glance, it looks to me to be a simple need for acceptance from a fellow crossdresser. As hard as it may be to believe, I don’t have any CD or TG friends in real life, though I follow a few online, and a few follow me. What I don’t have is any personal relationships with any. I’ve never met another CD. I’m the only one I know. I’ve never had to deal with that dynamic before.

I’ve never had had to see another man wearing women’s clothing. When ever I myself become Stefani, there’s always a moment when I look in the mirror, disgusted that I, as a man, would even consider doing something so ludicrous as dressing as a woman. Will I think that meeting another person like me? Will it force me to deal with my own innate prejudices, ones that are ridiculously hypocritical to even consider? Even admitting this here scares me. I need acceptance, so perhaps I need to learn to accept others, and as such, learn to accept myself.

But to leave this vain philosophizing for a moment, what about my safety? What about this necessary barrier between Stefani and the secret identity I wear for a living? I can’t have people looking for Stef, disrupting my life or interfering with my job. I allow someone to out me to the public or to my family. I deal with enough misogyny and harassment online. I don’t need it to spill into the world beyond.

So I’m at a crossroads. Do I continue my blog and my other social network activities, or do I delete everything, shutter his blog, and disappear into the ether, to be as if I never existed? It scares me. I don’t want to be a statistic on some database somewhere. I don’t want to be disowned by my family. This is a serious breach of my privacy, one that I need to deal with immediately.

I haven’t made up my mind, but I’ll have to do something soon. I just don’t know what.

6 thoughts on “The mask and the illusion of privacy

  1. Hmmm Sounds a bit stalker-ish to me. Be careful there are some crazies out there. If you want to meet other trans people why not find a local support group (formal or informal) or a social group? Safer imho. Good luck, stay safe and have FUN!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m wondering how he knew “Stefani”‘s name, but I guess that’s from some of your other social media sites.
    He obviously sought you out but like you say he could just be another cross-dresser looking for a friend. I like to think the best of people.
    If you did decide to meet for coffee I’d suggest somewhere very visible but not on your normal circuit … somewhere you’ve not been before. He has one place he knows he can find you again, don’t give him any more until you know what it is you’re dealing with.
    You may have been a little “free” with some personal information on the social media sites so you might like to revisit some of that and do a bit of editing to protect yourself in the future, but please don’t run and hide or give up.
    You are you, you have a right to be you, and taking Steph away from you would be being cruel to yourself.
    Good luck 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I would imagine that your fellow CD has read this and is now aware of your concerns. If they are on the “up and up,” they will appreciate those concerns and respect your need for privacy. If they are offended, tough.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: Want to contact me? | A girl in disguise

  5. It is possible your should revisit this away from work with your co worker. Work should stay professional, being friends at work as fellows is fine. Away from work, your private life is that and isn’t the work relationships. So long as your not the boss. This person could become your best friend, I wouldn’t let it go to easily, but he needs to know that the work place isn’t where this should be discussed.


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